reminiscence

When I opened that box, it was like a ‘journey’ of finding my old-self. How to put it into the right sentence… Hmm… I was so myself back then. I didn’t have to pretend, things were done according to my will, there was no ‘hide and seek’ or ‘deceiving one another’ games like what I have been doing for a while now. Not that I’m complaining my current life, it’s just that I missed my peaceful old days in the land down under.

The abovementioned box is where I kept my precious stuff (such cards, photos, gifts) which I brought along with me since I left Brisbane for good… Ever since then, I have never opened it. I wasn’t ready for the whole ‘emotional breakdown’ thing. My whole 3 years in Brisbane was definitely the best and happiest moment in my life. I learned tons of valuable lessons, I found my other family, and not only that… I got to know bunch of great friends! Yes… the city taught me how to be truly happy and how to live my life to the fullest.

My life at the moment is far from what you called ‘feeling content’… There’s either something wrong with me or the world that I’m currently living in. What makes it worse is that I’m too afraid to get myself out from my ‘comfort zone’ (i.e. so called comfortable world). In the other words, I have no guts to fight for the kind of future that I always wanted to have. It’s only been 9 months since I left, yet… I almost forgot what kind of person I used to be. My self-confidence, my happy-go-lucky attitude, they all have been stolen away.

Don’t get me wrong, but the whole idea for this entry isn’t for blaming anyone else for whatever happened to me. It is merely a mean to express my feeling. I chose this kind of life. And I dare to swear that I didn’t regret that decision, well… after all every decision always comes with a price right!? By saying ‘price’ it doesn’t mean that I’m giving up though, because soon… I’m going to find my way back.