commitment

"I want to change" will lose its true meaning once you failed to put those words into action by the minute you said it.

I feel.. cheated.
As a sister, I may do not have the right to be upset, but I can totally relate my Dad's disappointment over my older brothers' attitudes. It has not been 24 hours since our so called heart-to-heart discussion last night, yet they failed to show their better version efforts.

I was really hoping that somehow I can motivate them, help them to wake up from their long-sleep. Now.. I feel like giving up already.

How I want them to act like a proper older brother, for once. If it can't be in day-to-day issue, at least please let them be the people I turn to whenever this business responsibilities hits a rough patch. I hate the idea of monitoring, nagging them, as if I'm trying to show off my upper hand. But if I stop being annoying and dictating sister, then who will be there to remind them with their commitments !? Who else can bridge their communications with Dad !?? On the other hand, I can't keep go back and forth, assuring Dad that giving them the second chance isn't a mistake while I don't have enough faith if such thing can happen anytime soon.

I'm torn.. seeing how they always come up with one disappointment after another.
It's killing me.. to witness how Dad's hope and expectations keep falling into pieces.

Ya Allah SWT, please kindly give me enough strength to pull up this family together, to bring goodness which is long buried in my older brothers' inner hearts, to provide alternative comfort and pride for my parents so they don't dwell themselves in self-blaming over the failures of their sons.

Amin...