try me, drama !

What's a wedding preparation without some drama?

Though we are still at the early stage, the tension is high and it ain't cool down. My parents with their divorce-history is giving me such pain in the -you know what-.

Luckily.. I have you and a very loving, supporting as well as understanding future-in-laws family. You and your family are the voice of reason who makes those unreasonable ego becomes reasonable.

the talk

Parents from both families and some closest family members have been informed. We're now mentally, physically and financially prepare ourselves for the formal talk between families.

It's been a wonderful 1 year and 4 months journey with you. All the drama and flaws we've been through, those struggles didn't make us love each other less, instead.. they make us much more certain with what we have.

I loved you yesterday, I love you still, I always have.. I always will.

joyeux anniversaire Maman!

Joyeux Anniversaire Maman! / Happy Birthday Mom!

As always, I wish you a life which fills with good health, happiness, warmth ad wisdom. May Allah SWT never fails to provide you with all the most-possible best things in life.


Regardless our on-and-off relationship, I love and adore you, Mom. You inspired in a lot of ways. You are the toughest and smartest woman I ever know, both physically and mentally.

You spend most of your life, struggling to show the world that a woman is actually a super woman who can also excel at many things. Though your dedication to work costs you the relationship with your children, yet you stick to your belief. As I grow older, I personally don't resent you for doing so..

I just hope to be given a chance, where I can take care of you and where you an start to lean on me and my siblings. 'Till then, I'll always watch your back and be ready to catch you whenever you need and want me too.

I love you.
Je t'aime, tojours...

nothing lasts forever

"Nothing lasts forever" is so true.

I always foolishly believed that my friendship with Ima is one of the kind, the one which will survive through thick and skin. 13 years of friendship and now that she's ready to embark new phase of life, marriage life, I realised.. I'm starting to lose a grip on her :(

Marriage.. what is it you have against me!? why does it seem that you're taking away my bestfriends!?? I barely digest the fact how distant I am right now with the others after their marriages, yet, you're trying to snatch what I have with Ima??? Please don't do it, she's my other half, she's the sister that I'm dying to have.

Sometimes.. Islam with its so-called rules is irritating. Well, maybe it's due to my lack of knowledge of a true Moslem. It surprised me that once you're married, everything you do needs an approval from your husband, even when you want to have your 'me-time' at the salon ! Going out without your husband's permission is considered as a huge sin. *heavy sigh*

According to my aunt, that might be the reason of the growing distance between me and my married bestfriends.

"But who are you to complaint, Nis? A bestfriend doesn't demand, she understands. She gives advices, not an order"


One simple statement which enough to bring me back to the ground. 'Nuff said.

Godaan (Tempation)

Godaan...
Menurut saya, bahwa hal ini merupakan salah satu tantangan terberat yang harus dihadapi oleh seorang umat manusia.

Tak dapat disangkal godaan adalah bagian yang tidak terpisahkan dari diri kita, dimana setiap saat selalu siaga untuk 'menerkam' keyakinan kita, menjerumuskan kita dalam suatu fase terlena, yang pada akhirnya menyesatkan jika dibiarkan berkepanjangan.

Godaan itu adalah duel maut abadi yang sudah pasti akan dialami oleh semua umat manusia. Bukan hanya 'perang' melawan godaan dalam konteks hubungan manusia dan TuhanNya tetapi juga godaan terhadap hal ataupun orang disekitar.

Contoh paling sederhana, saya yakin sebagai Muslim kita semua pernah mengalami godaan malas melaksanakan halat 5 waktu. Selama kita tidak berpindah agama dan hayat masih dikandung badan, problema godaan seperti ini akan terus menghantam diri kita. Di usia 26 tahun dan bahkan sudah berhijab sejak 2 tahun terakhir, saya masih saja jatuh-bangun melawan godaan untuk mencari sejuta alasan untuk tidak shalat 5 waktu.

Nah kalo untuk urusan bekal di akhirat saja saya sudah megap-megap, apa kabar dengan godaan dalam hal lain seperti hasrat?!

Pastinya babak belur sayanya :p
Apalagi dalam hal melangkah ke pelaminan. Justru disaat saya menjalin dengan pria yang Insya Allah bisa jadi Imam dunia-akhirat dan mendapat restu dari kedua belah pihak, malah banyak sekali godaan menawarkan sesuatu yang berbeda (-_-")

Tergiur?
Iyalah !

*sambil elus dada*

Tapi..
Lantas apakah itu merubah keyakinan saya untuk memilih dia?

Tentu tidak:)
Anehnya.. setelah berhasil melepaskan diri dari godaan tersebut, saya malah makin kesemsem dan yakin dengan dia. Kalo bukan karena adat Bugis yang amit-amit matre dan gengsinya, mungkin dia sudah saya seret ke KUA.

*lanjut*
Esensinya, godaan itu hadir untuk mengetes seberapa yakin diri kita akan sesuatu/seseorang. Jangan menyalah artikan godaan sebagai petunjuk/sinyal dariNya karena kemauanNya tidaklah menyakiti orang lain.

Godaan (Temptation)..
You can have me at my worst but you definitely do not deserve me at my best and I will make sure you will not win this battle !

how's me in 2012

Here we go.. we are slowly crawling toward the end of the year 2012.

I ain't getting less busy, I have less quality time with my social cliques, however I managed to bond a stronger and deeper connection with my loved and closest ones, it surprisingly exceeds what I could've possibly imagined.

Challenges at workplace are even more demanding than before, however it's amazing to see where I am right now. Within two-years time, I'm learning MASSIVE knowledge from the experts (which I'm still thirst for many more  in the near future), I'm getting better in handling all the issues at work. It is obvious at the same time, all the struggles have slowly turned me into a cold-hearted and calculated bitch who you wish you will never have to deal with. But hey, I'm running a business, I can't afford to let my sentiment overrules my business rationale.

Having my boyfriend as my business partner is not an easy call too yet I'm extremely very grateful to have him. Without his support, I would've probably given up the entrepreneur path due to my rebel and laissez-faire attitudes. Seriously, I think my father and him deserve the most credit for the growth of our businesses. Yes, there were times where our relationship hit the worst note because of our great differences in everything, however, once we get our senses back, we're getting stronger.. either us a couple or as a business partner.

In fact, we are currently preparing ourselves for the next stage, i.e. the lifetime commitment !! Since both of us want to do everything with our very own money and sweats, therefore as you read this post, please kindly send us your best wishes and prayer:)

2013 please come sooner ! *hint*

true love

Dear my beloved parents,
One day... I'll prove you that:
- true love doesn't take the person you love for granted.
- true love requires a healthy relationship where you never disregard one another
- true love means never get tired of each other, no matter how hard the wind blows your marriage

Amin Ya Allah...

a redemption

Is it morally correct to snap on others, blaming it onto the workloads and expecting them to understand?

Is it ethical to say the 'get lost' words out loud whenever you're angry?

No, it is not morally correct and it is unethical. Then knowing how wrong those things are, why did I end up doing them?!

I couldn't go to sleep, my heart is filled with huge disappointment with myself. I feel so shameless... I notice that lately I get furious easily, I become much more bitter and cynical to everyone. What saddened me, I felt self-righteous in every conflict I encountered, yes.. I trapped in my own world.

Now that another closest people is walking away, the reality finally sinks in.. I started to see all my conflicts in different light. And geez.. I was heartless, my tongue is sharper than a knife, my attitude is beyond horrible.

Regardless the apologies, I am fully aware there is nothing I can do to ease the pain and grief they went through because of my awful treatments. I just hope someday, these people can completely forgive me.

I'll continue on living by carrying this guilt. I won't let myself hurting anyone else, ever again.

Thank you Ya Allah Ya Rabb, at least I still get a chance to feel remorseful and to make redemption.