commitment

"I want to change" will lose its true meaning once you failed to put those words into action by the minute you said it.

I feel.. cheated.
As a sister, I may do not have the right to be upset, but I can totally relate my Dad's disappointment over my older brothers' attitudes. It has not been 24 hours since our so called heart-to-heart discussion last night, yet they failed to show their better version efforts.

I was really hoping that somehow I can motivate them, help them to wake up from their long-sleep. Now.. I feel like giving up already.

How I want them to act like a proper older brother, for once. If it can't be in day-to-day issue, at least please let them be the people I turn to whenever this business responsibilities hits a rough patch. I hate the idea of monitoring, nagging them, as if I'm trying to show off my upper hand. But if I stop being annoying and dictating sister, then who will be there to remind them with their commitments !? Who else can bridge their communications with Dad !?? On the other hand, I can't keep go back and forth, assuring Dad that giving them the second chance isn't a mistake while I don't have enough faith if such thing can happen anytime soon.

I'm torn.. seeing how they always come up with one disappointment after another.
It's killing me.. to witness how Dad's hope and expectations keep falling into pieces.

Ya Allah SWT, please kindly give me enough strength to pull up this family together, to bring goodness which is long buried in my older brothers' inner hearts, to provide alternative comfort and pride for my parents so they don't dwell themselves in self-blaming over the failures of their sons.

Amin...

already gone

That long awaited peace has finally came few weeks ago. Out of sudden, there's no more pain, not even a sting. Not only that, I managed to encourage him to have more faith and confidence in his long distance relationship with his current girlfriend (or future wife, like the way he refers her). 

Now, I can look back and laugh at the memories. It got me wonder though, how could I fall for that immature, heartless, overly-dramatic jerk? Oh well, who could blame the feeling? He wasn't that bad, so far that was the best relationship I had (3 months of great start, 6 months later were crap :p). 

It really took lots of efforts, time (7 freaking wasted months) and 2 failed relationships (possibly rebound-purpose only) to get here. So it feels amazingly awesome !! 

Well done Nis, shall we buy IPhone 4 and Onyx as a reward!? :)  

life is wonderful

Alhamdulillah I feel so blessed... I don't know what did I do to be deserved such enormous blessings from You, but I really am so thankful Ya Allah. Kindly guide me to stay humble, to always keep my feet on the ground, to keep stay just the way I already am. Let me be a better Moslem who knows how to be grateful and to look after those blessings in my best manner.

What I have right now, they're all come from You, things which You could always take from me at any given time. I don't want to let myself grow addicted to this comfortable life, won't let those luxuries get the best of me. What's the use of having that kind of life if it turns me blind !?

I'm feeling so inspired lately, my nights and days are filled with new dreams, goals and ambitions. So, here I go again, Masya Allah.. thank You very much Ya Allah...

better in time

My last night in Manchester. Yes, I've been spending these past two weeks in England. I was here for a familiarisation trip from one of the institutions in here, then decided to do a little bit of sightseeing for the second week. It's a rare chance, so I gotta make the most out of it :)

This trip is like a dream that finally come true. For those who know me really well, are very aware that I have a very huge obsession with the country. I dream to study here, well. it almost happened, but I was blinded by love back then, didn't have the courage to leave my ex boyfriend behind. No regret though because I was pretty resolute with my decision. I could tell how disappointed my father was, yet he could not force me to go.

On the bright side, I kinda feel far more satisfied and have this feeling of privilege when I told people that I came to UK for business reason :) *LOL

Anyway, I'm having an incredibly great time in here and feeling terribly reluctant to leave but I can't ditch my business for selfish reason, can I? Gosh.. I'm freaking out just by imagining the workloads which need to be done once I'm home (T_T) Gotta welcoming back my 12 hours a day and 7 days a week routine.

Come on Nis, your so called self-funded Omra plan is waiting !! Give me YOUR blessing Ya Allah... I really want to go to Mecca and Madinah again, it has to be this year (and more to come in the near future).

Almost half-way through 2011, it was quite a downturn journey in the beginning but I'm very proud to reach state that I'm currently in right now. Alhamdulillah, I've never been this content with my life. Though there is a sting whenever I recall how I don't have someone special to share every huge step I managed to make, but hey... I trust that my guy is on his way to find me.

compromise position

Do men feel intimidated with self-sufficient women?

Is it a sin for a woman to have and to pursue such a big and ambitious dream?

What is so wrong about a single woman who prioritising her work rather than spending time with her boyfriend?

Well, I personally think, men nowadays are feeling more and more threatened with women. Perhaps, they're afraid of losing control over their women!?

Men.. need to assure themselves that they're in charge of everything (or at least most of the things). That's why, they aren't that thrill if their women have better career paths than theirs. The egocentric maniac ones are going to make their women choose between career or relationship. 

In marriage life, I gotta agree that even a very successful woman should know how to put her family first. But the funny thing is, when it happens in a dating relationship ! For the love of God, why would a woman have to abandon her future out of love??

The reason for women to work their asses off are for the future that relationship too. So guys, why don't you let your women chase their own dreams?!

Be supportive, don't be a nagging boyfriend (besides, nagging is a woman's job)

Be understanding when she has no time for you because of the demands of her work

Be thankful with the limited time she has for you, at least she's making the effort to squeeze you into her hectic schedule. It's all about compromising each other's position :)

"A good relationship shouldn't be measured by the amount of time you spend together, instead, it should be measured by the quality of each of your dates."

a love that I can't carry anymore

After two-weeks of hectic schedule, flew in and out, traveled from one city to another... it feels really good to finally be back home. Though if my visa application is granted, it means I'd be out of the country again in few days, still.. it never occurred to me that Makassar would able to give a home-sweet-home feeling.

Anyway, that isn't the main point of my post. I was SUPPOSED to share a number of very cool and inspiring quotes I got from Brothers & Sisters series (gosh, this damn series never failed to make me cry a river).

Without any further delay, here are the quotes:

"All our lives.. we grow by giving up things, by loss and moving on. Big things, little ones. How we handle those loses really defines who we are."

"The thing about one that got away.. if he was meant to be in your life, then he would have found his way back to you. So you moved on, you chose a different road. Good. Keep your eyes on that. If you're always looking at the rearview mirror, you're gonna miss the turn you have to make in the road ahead of you. And believe me, there's always plenty of road ahead of you. Focus on that."

Therefore, here I am, my dear God, please kindly grant me the serenity to accept things that I can't change, the courage to change things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference...

-I'm starting to think that I almost there, just a little bit more time and efforts. Amin.-

fragile

'Cause everybody knows that nobody really knows how to make it work or how to ease the hurt..

That's why,

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get 'there', even it means to be disregarded; mocked and underestimated by you.

People might see my action as a childish, immature or coward act. But, the hell with their judgements, come on... why would I need to act to be okay when I'm not? As if they wouldn't do the same :) 

Though your so called new romance brings me lots of pain, but I still wish you the best. It adds up another reason to get myself out from 'stuck in a moment' days.