when a virginity is no longer a big deal

I was supposed to post this weeks ago! I got caught up in my works and never had enough time to complete the whole thing. Gee, it felt like that I have to swallow back my food when I actually wanted to throw everything out!! Well, regardless the yucky-ness,ok!? =)

That day; just like any other day; I drove by myself to the office. Driving in Jakarta is rather frustrating, I often found myself scream because of the uneducated behaviors of most Jakarta drivers. And our poor infrastructure makes everything much more worse than they already are. Really, I wonder why Jakarta still have some pride left to call itself as the capital city of Indonesia. As much as I love being an Indonesian citizen, Jakarta is no longer a health place to live in. But I'm no different with my other fellows, this city gives me a good pay.

OK... that wasn't the thing which I wanted to share today.

So, the only thing which could calm me down is by listening to the radio. I don't normally listen to any random radio though. Frankly, I found that most of the anchors are boring and their discussion topics were just so blah. However, that day was different!

I loved the topic which was discussed. While others were busy promoting 'go-green' thingy [Oh my, isn't it too late to seek for a redemption? Stop talking and pretending to be smart dudes, because a real action is what we really need right now!!], Ari Dagink and Desta [possibly the most hilarious and awesome anchors] were talking about free s*x!!!

At first, I was wondering how they are going to encourage the audience to participate in the discussion. Most people, including myself, feel uncomfortable to discuss it openly. It's rather taboo indeed. Well, this obviously contradicts with the latest (2005) fact which stated that more than 40% of the teenagers' population in Indonesia who already had 'that' and caught up in free s*x phenomenon. WOW... what happened to our so called eastern values!? Or, shall we agree that those values were never existed!??

Anyway, both anchors did a pretty good job in generating responses. Some of them shared their experiences via SMS and few others shared through a live-conversation. I admire their guts, however, I couldn't help but to feel pity toward them, particularly the girls. From the incoming responses, it can be concluded that most of them regretted their action.

Girls... you know that having s*x before marriage never do any good thing to you, then why did you commit yourself to the worst form of hedonism lifestyle [i.e. free s*x]?? Everybody makes a mistake, yes... nobody is that perfect! The most important thing is how to put things right, in the other words, not to make the same foolish mistake. From my [and perhaps, others] perspective, being no longer a virgin is shameful; however; these people surely deserve for a second chance!! So, girls... why bother to spend the rest of your life by blaming yourself!??

I'm not against free s*x but I'm not its supporter neither. I spent 3 years abroad and still... it wasn't adequate to convince me into accepting such lifestyle. Well, it is more understandable when those involved are Caucasian, it is part of who they are anyway.

So, girls… no matter how desperate you are for a happily ever-after ending, do not lose control over yourself. Well, unless you are all prepared to handle the consequences with or without someone by your side then you are definitely going to be fine. If you are not so sure how you are going to cope up with all that, taking preventive action for yourself is the right thing to do. We are only a human being; all guys are just like us. It is hard to grasp their thoughts, besides… their hearts are unpredictable. There is no guarantee that we are going to marry the guy whom we have our 'first time' with, isn’t there!? Therefore, why would we give away our dearest thing for uncertainty!??

Oh dear… I understand that I’m in no position to judge anyone. But hey… everyone has a say! I detest those who could not bear responsibility of their own action. I despise those who proclaim ‘love’ in the name of their libidos. But, I do admire those who are bold enough to come out of their closet and to give themselves another chance for a new beginning. Really… why free s*x!?? There are plenty ways to make this life more enjoyable.

reminiscence

When I opened that box, it was like a ‘journey’ of finding my old-self. How to put it into the right sentence… Hmm… I was so myself back then. I didn’t have to pretend, things were done according to my will, there was no ‘hide and seek’ or ‘deceiving one another’ games like what I have been doing for a while now. Not that I’m complaining my current life, it’s just that I missed my peaceful old days in the land down under.

The abovementioned box is where I kept my precious stuff (such cards, photos, gifts) which I brought along with me since I left Brisbane for good… Ever since then, I have never opened it. I wasn’t ready for the whole ‘emotional breakdown’ thing. My whole 3 years in Brisbane was definitely the best and happiest moment in my life. I learned tons of valuable lessons, I found my other family, and not only that… I got to know bunch of great friends! Yes… the city taught me how to be truly happy and how to live my life to the fullest.

My life at the moment is far from what you called ‘feeling content’… There’s either something wrong with me or the world that I’m currently living in. What makes it worse is that I’m too afraid to get myself out from my ‘comfort zone’ (i.e. so called comfortable world). In the other words, I have no guts to fight for the kind of future that I always wanted to have. It’s only been 9 months since I left, yet… I almost forgot what kind of person I used to be. My self-confidence, my happy-go-lucky attitude, they all have been stolen away.

Don’t get me wrong, but the whole idea for this entry isn’t for blaming anyone else for whatever happened to me. It is merely a mean to express my feeling. I chose this kind of life. And I dare to swear that I didn’t regret that decision, well… after all every decision always comes with a price right!? By saying ‘price’ it doesn’t mean that I’m giving up though, because soon… I’m going to find my way back.