a little gift from the past

Harusnya aku tahu,
aku menuai kesia-siaan..
Semestinya tak perlu mempertanyakan lagi.

Saat berjarak.. terasa begitu lekat,
dan ketika di depan mata..
terasa begitu jauh.

Terima kasih.. ada yang tersisa untukmu,
ada yang menggores disini.
Perih.. sepertinya bukan hatiku.
Hanya ego....

Simpan saja untuk cerita kita nanti,
misalnya kita bisa bercerita lagi.

Credit to: Anonymous
Some guy from my past told me this poem, it kinda represented our tragic yet beautiful story.. For those who shared the kind of love we used to have, you'd feel a pain in your heart when you read it wholeheartedly.

a whole new world

I got a Letter of Offer from QUT few days ago, they granted me with half year of an advanced standing, This allows me to complete my Master of Business degree in 2 semester (i.e. 8 months approx.).

I have to admit that it's really a good deal and it did wave my commitment to my job. However, after a 6 months break from university life, this obviously not an easy thing to do. Not only that I have to be patient with the university workloads, but also the fact that I have to hold back my desire to be a career woman !! Daymn.. Life is surely full of surprises.. just when I thought that I'd be a normal salary woman, here it comes another great opportunity... Thank you God, regardless of my 'not a good Moslem' attitude, You still bless me with lots of love and joy.


Recently, due to my newly found activity, I had to 'disappear' for a while from blogging.. My new routine really took most of my energy, both mentally and physically. From Monday to Saturday, I have to wake up at 6am then get myself presentable for work. I usually leave at 8 because the office hours start at 9am to 5pm (though I mostly stayed back untill 6pm). There are lots of things need to be learned, but I'm enjoying it...

New environment, new responsibility... thus making me feel great !! Sadly, this enjoyment wouldn't last long =) I already signed the offer acceptance form. I'll just need to wait for QUT's confirmation of enrollment (CoE) so that I could immediately apply for the Australian visa. Yippyyy.......

-There's always a 'cost' that we have to sacrifice in order to achieve the best we can do. One thing to be noted is how to minimise that 'cost'-

it isn't love

Tak seharusnya kuiyakan,
Tak seharusnya kusanggupi,
Tak seharusnya kujalani,
Tak seharusnya kusakiti,
Tapi..sudah seharusnya ku berkata jujur.

Maafkan, tapi.. ini bukanlah cinta.

how to be fair

Dan ternyata, bersikap adil itu sangatlah susah. Adil di mata kita, belum tentu adil di mata orang lain.

Ga peduli seberapa inginnya gw ingin bersikap adil, in the end, i've always ended up hurting people around me. Dan ironisnya, gw juga ga luput menjadi korban dari sikap 'adil' gw itu. Ga cukup hanya itu, tak jarang... orang" malah menyalahkan and memojokkan gw, karena bagi mereka, keadilan versi gw itu hanyalah kamuflase dari keegoisan gw !

Kedengaran seperti sedang menangisi diri sendiri-kah gw !? well, jujur sih ngga.. g ada gunanya juga. Toh, sudah menjadi hak asasi orang" tersebut untuk nge-judge gw. Either it's a good or bad perception, i don't find that bothering me. I'm enjoying my life, any criticism.. i'd take that as a compliment. 'Coz things that matter to me is the happiness of my beloved family and friends.

Dad and Mom.. please live long enough so that there'd be enough time for me to prove that I love you both equally. Amiin !! Btw, isn't thing would get better if the two of you stop jealousing each other !? This endless dispute really puts me at the most-disadvantage position ever.

ps: I made the right decision when breaking up with you. I finally got to see your other face. Thanks to you, I got no regret and guilty at all. Really, what an immature brat you are.....

dan Indonesia pun memilih

Congratulations MIKE, for being chosen as the Indonesian delegation to compete in Asian Idol. You deserve the praises !!
Wishing you tons of luck in the next stage... You may not possess the look but you surely have a great and beautiful voice.

I was really glad for the Indo Idol result show lat nite. At lease my fellow have come to their senses.`No offense.. but I hate Delon, not only due to his not-handsome-at all look but also due to his -fans' overrated- singing skill !! I was kept on swearing everytime the camera took a close look on him. Yes.. Yes.. I hate him that much :)

Anyway, why the hell they're calling it Asian Idol, while there are only 6 Asian countries competing for the title !?? What a "brilliant" sample to represent the largest continent on the earth... Wait, perhaps not all Asian countries have this Idol wanna-be event. Oh.. whatever. I bet RCTI would earn lots of cash, thanks to the generous sponsors and -easily satisfied- audiences.

The Indonesian TV programmee are all stupid and full of shit, excluding news and music events. Humm.. I miss my -online streaming Korean and Japanese Dramas- routine..

the untold

Once upon a time,
*lives a woman called Fray... it's been a long time since she separated from her husband. however, it seems that she couldn't forgive her ex-husband for having a happy life. she also hates him for taking her children away from her. now, she's full of hatred and anger...
*meanwhile, at another place, there are two brothers who only care about themselves. the oldest one is married with one daughter, he's still a student without a job. his brother is addicted to gambling and women. leading such a pitiful life.. whenever things did not go according to their wishes, all they can do is blaming their father.
*people of -once so glorious- nation.. are suspecting each other. the executives blame their people for being so impatient and demanding. the people also blame their executives for being so greedy.

Why do we have to blame others for our failures, for types of person we've became, and for the hardships that we have to go through in our lifes..

To be happy and success, this decision is up to us. We have ultimate power to determine our destiny whereas other people around us just a compliment.

So, everyone.. let's have some time to ask ourselves and to reflect on our mistakes.. it isn't too late for us to learn to put more respect for others.

the answer

This pain.. This loneliness
Maybe they are all my punishments for hurting you...

"Urgently required: Accountant"
That kind of announcements were what I mostly found on the net. Does it really mean that I need to consider accounting as my postgraduate major !? Hell.. there's no way I'm gonna take it !! Though I used to madly in love with accounting during my foundation time, but I've never thought to spend my -so precious- life as an audit... Don't get me wrong key... I did not try to look down that profession.. It's just my way to emphasise how the job has failed to attract me.

Everyone has passions and this obviously varies from one to another. In my case, I like accounting, however, I have no interest to make it as my future source of income. I can't imagine myself only surrounded by figures and numbers. I'd definitely going to die at the age of 30.. OK, that's a bit exaggerating :D

Marketer.. this profession doesn't sound as fancy and luxury as accountant. Yet, without these people, most companies wouldn't able to sell of their products or services to wider markets. Sounds too subjective !?? Hehehe... unlike those accountants, my passion is in marketing, a world which I believe would offer me lots of unpredictable experience. Because when you're dealing with your customers.. things might suddenly become vague and hardly to be predicted. That's the beauty of marketing...

Ah... whenever I think about it, I get impatient... Seriously, I can't wait the opportunity to take my part in that world.

Wish me luck !!!

be careful with PT Maxgain

I got a missed call from (021) 23526700 this morning. At first, I kept on wondering who was trying to get in touch with me. "This might be from one of the companies to whom I sent my CV" that's what I thought.

Then I tried to call the abovementioned number, to find out which company was calling. However, the operator said the number is disconnected. And.. after reading through some articles on the internet, I discovered that the call from PT. Maxgain International (MIF). None other than the company who's famous for their false job vacancies and unethical pratices. I was quite panic, geez.. how did they get my CV !? I never sent any application to them.

Fwwh..
It's a good thing after all. They should've learned their lesson. Today is the era of internet, most people found everything on the net.

Hence for those who need a job. Please.. Be careful and selective when applying a job through internet. Nobody's wants to be deceived by anyone right !?. We might be jobless but we aren't that desperate.

read the article here:
http://ryosaeba.wordpress.com/2007/05/14/maxgain-vs-kraft-foods-indonesia/

shall we !?

and I hate myself for being so indecisive and coward. It's been a while yet I'm still unable to make any decision for my relationship.

The 'what's best for everyone' is obviously not the answer, because that phrase only belong to selfish people. Those who don't wish the rest of the world blame them, those who covered it up with their 'i did my best to make things work' maneuver.

I know I'm selfish (I've noted that earlier). However, for once.. for the sake of this relationship, I want to come up a 'win win solution' !!!

FYI, I'm having a hard time right now (and I'm sure that he's facing the same situation). The fact that I couldn't love him as much as he loves me, it's killing me. My feeling has reached its limit and it slowly started to fade away. I already tried my best to change !!

Ever since I decided to put a 'brake' in our relationship, I've had countless discussions not only with myself but also with my closest friends. Yet, until today... I couldn't even bring a slight hope to save everything we used to have. I'm helpless with my own feeling.

Somehow, I believe that if we are keep on insisting to keep this relationship, both of us would probably suffer a great pain. The length of our break would not guarantee us a brighter end, because all I could offer to you is uncertainty about the future. You do know that very well, don't you !?

So, shall we?

dear mother

Murka-kah engkau padaku Ibu !?
hingga tiada kabar kudengar darimu

Terluka-kah engkau karenaku Ibu !?
hingga tak ingin tahu akan diriku lagi

Sakit-kah hatimu Ibu !?
hingga maafku tak jua cukup mengobati dirimu

Maafkanlah aku Ibu.. Ampunilah aku Ibu..
Mungkin memang nakda yang bersalah,
Mungkin nakda tidaklah lebih dari seorang anak tak berbakti,

Demi Allah, nakda tidak pernah ingin menyakiti Ibu.
Tiadalah sanggup nakda melakukannya.
Karena sakit Ibu adalah sakit nakda..
Karena nakda sangatlah menyayangimu.....

A very simple yet thougtful "poem" I made for my Mom. She's angry at me and our stubborness making it hard for us to reconcile ! but still.. I LOVE YOU mother :)

the premiere

Yay ! I've finally decided to own a blog.. I know this is not supposed to be a big deal BUT please do let me have some joy with my new 'toy'. Now that I started to feel bored with my daily activities (read: I got nothing to do), blogging seems like the most inevitable solution for me. So.. here's my first post.