Happy Valentine's Day

Today is not the only day to say "I Love you"
Today is not the only chance to be with your LOVED ones
However...
Today is surely a special day to get your loved one's heart all fluttery with love butterflies. So, Happy Valentine's Day everyone !!!

the good and the bad

“It is essential to keep myself (and my mind, in particular) occupied all the time. So that I wouldn’t drown in the sea of frustration” That is another thing I learned after 8 months of living under the same roof with my stepmother. I’ve been living in a hell for more than 200 days, or should I say in a world filled with her constant nagging, her unstable emotional state, her greediness in controlling others, and her ‘over protective’ actions. Frankly speaking, she’s surely doing a very good job in jeopardizing my life.

Why do things have to be done according to her will? Why can’t I, at least, make my own decisions? Seriously, can’t she just let me on my own!? I’m not asking anything fancy or complicated from her, because all I want is my freedom. A simple –yet vital- liberty such as:
* spending time with my mother
* wearing my favorite clothes
* taking any courses which would enhance my skills (e.g. graphic design)
* going out with anyone I’m comfortable with (regardless their ethnicity & background)
* etc.
Is it really a difficult wish to be granted?

Oh well, it’s her nature… I have decided that I won’t go against her; and since life is mostly about good or bad acts, hence, I’ll just continue playing my role as a good and sane step daughter. Not to deceive her or to earn her attention, but to avoid further misfortunes in my life and in the family. God dislikes those who have enemies, so why bother to have one!? Yes… I’m aware how spiteful she can be, however, she’s still my father’s wife.

One thing she definitely wants to bear in mind…
I’m not like my sassy but rebel brothers. I have a bittersweet childhood; thereby I’m a lot stronger than what she can think of. I don’t need her love or her affection, I have my father on my side, there are my mother who’s very supportive and plenty close friends who care enough about me. So yeah… let’s respect the boundary that I have arranged specially for you.

Que Sera, Sera

I’m having a real hard time right now. I fear of being left behind. I despise the idea that some of my close people are starting to walk away from me.

For all these years, I spoil myself with ‘friendship forever’ and ‘sworn brother-sister’ myths. I've always believed those bonds are the only things (other than family, for sure) that would last forever in this world. But apparently, it doesn't work that way. Up until today, I have to give up my precious people over the same thing, particularly the ones I called brothers!! I know their relationships with their girlfriends are important, still, does it necessarily mean that they have to cut off their ties with me!? We might be not blood-related; however I really treasure them as my brothers.

Although I'm as a woman realize that most of the times jealousy kills our sanity, but we just have to do it nicely girls!! We shouldn't go overboard, at least show our jealousy in a way that it would not ruin our dignity. Anyway, it isn't like we do not have that kind of relationship (i.e. ‘brothers’) in our lives, right!?

Que Sera, Sera… I don't intend to put all blames on their women; after all, it was my brothers’ decision to distance themselves from me. I'll treat this matter as part of my learning process to become a good and wise adult.

Huff… Why does the process of being mature have to be this hard? If losing them is one of the trials that would help me to get a better understanding what maturity really is. Then that's fine… Because no matter how hard life hits and no matter how though it gets, one should never give up and I never will . I'm not going to die just because they ‘abandoned’ me.

“What doesn't kill you, make you stronger baby!”
I stand now at an important point in time. A long road lies ahead and a long road lies behind me. The last few years have been an awesome, sometimes epic, and wild ride. I just can't believe it's over. But now, I have a new beginning to create. We'll see how much noise I can make in this rough world.