Those uninvited memories, those -how he publicly expressed things he never did to me- thoughts, those -why did I let two guys from the same bloodline broke my heart- feeling are KILLING me.
I feel so miserable inside, though I always put up a strong facade. I, myself, found my infatuation feeling toward my past is troublesome and tiring, that was why I stopped talking about it to anyone. It's a shame that I don't want others to see and I can't let myself to get 'the woman who can't moved on' label.
"Forgive your past. That would help you to have peace with everything."
This is the very first and last thing I tell to myself every day, one of the wishes which I mention everytime I do my -five times a day- prayer.
Yes, I'm praying that lame and pathetic thing EVERY SINGLE DAY !! I seek my dearly beloved God's help to put the end to my post-breaking up struggle. I kneel before God, asking for more strength, because I'm starting to run out of breathe.
I can't carry on living like this and I shouldn't anyway. I have a bright future ahead, the dysfunctional yet loving family, wonderful friends to hold me in my ups & downs, and of course, the right one who awaits for me to look at his direction.
"It's really okay to look back, Nis. Just not to often and get emotionally engaged. Trust in God's plan, your every failed relationship will only bring you closer to him, the right one. So, hold strong your weapon, win the battle and get the peace you deserve. Be chilled, you'll breathe again, soon enough."
Look who's talking and things she just said to herself?!!
Now I feel motivated :)
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